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peachmunkie
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Name: Alli
Country: United States
State: Virginia
Metro: Williamsburg
Birthday: 9/13/1984
Gender: Female
Interests: Video games, photography, ART, singing, songwriting, modeling, 4-wheeling, webdesign, anime, movies, reading, writing, sleeping...uhm....ok, I'm really just a boring person....
Expertise: ....annoying people?
Occupation: Student
Industry: Other
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  AliFireCat@aol.com
Yahoo:  peachy_munkie
MSN: peachmunkie@hotmail.com
Member Since:
4/26/2004
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| I don't blog anymore.
It seems so strange because I've been doing it for years. I mean years! And now...I actually have a life...instead of just writing down all the mess that goes on in my head and makes sense only to me. I actually do things instead of just wishing I did them.
It's different. It's fun.
So...the biggest news to start with...are you ready for it?
Here goes...
I'm happy.
Srsly.
I am, honest to goodness, sunshiny-(well, I still hate the sun and I'm still an insomniac but you get the picture)-go-lucky happy!!!
I don't know exactly when it happened or if it's even done happening.
Everyday feels like a new adventure rather than another oppressive stone on my back.
And, the very best part is...I am not on any kind of medication, legal or otherwise.
The only thing I indulge in anymore is massive amounts of books, video games, caffeine, and Cheetos. OH, and cards. I looooove playing card games.
So...I don't do drugs. I don't drink. I don't smoke...
So...that means....this is real.
This is what being happy is like.
It took me a while to figure it out because I wasn't familiar with it;
I had just grown so used to being miserable that, that I was confused with this new feeling of NOT being miserable.
But I'm not confused now.
I'm funny
and I'm smart.
I'm really, really good with Photoshop.
I can restore a wallet sized photo with 25+ years of wallet damage in under 4 hours.
I'm extremely clumsy
and I am mad-as-a-freakin-Hatter crazy.
I have an amazing, supportive, if occasionally exhausting and crazy, family.
I have friends.
And I am loved.
I don't know why I could never get that before.
Maybe it was because I had to learn to trust them not to leave me, to abandon me like so many others in my life.
Or maybe it was because I had to trust myself to not screw it up like I have everything else in my life.
Maybe it was because I had to see and experience for myself what made them love me in the first place...and to learn to love me, too...without needing another person to do it for me.
It has taken me almost 25 years to learn to love myself...who I am and everything that entails. In all this time...that was the relationship I needed to work on. You can imagine my surprise.
So...this is me, no longer walking the edge of a cliff. I'm making a path on my own and I have no idea where it leads so, naturally, I'm scared shitless.
So let's just see what happens.
_ab | | |
| So here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie
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Opening Credits: "Sad but True" by Apocalyptica
Waking Up: "The Killing Moon" by Novelle Vague
First Day of School: "War Machine" by Immediate Music*
Falling in Love: "Bound Too Long" by The Crystal Method
Fight Song: "Interlude III: Midnight – Twelve Tolls For A New Day" by Kamelot
Breaking Up: "Heartbreaker" by The Rasmus*
Prom: "Everyone" by Socialburn*
Life: "Unforgiving" by X-Ray Dog
Mental Breakdown: "Not Enough Time" by INXS*
Driving: "Whisper" by Evanescence*
Flashback: "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Valensia (Queen cover)*
Getting Back Together: "Love Song for a Vampire" by Annie Lennox*
Wedding: "Choral Fantasy" by Immediate Music
Birth of Child: "Ya Soshia Suma" by t.A.t.U.
Final Battle: "Let Go" by Red
Death Scene: "Orchestral 100 Rise 2" by Immediate Music
Funeral Song: "I Think I’m Paranoid (Garbage)" by The Crystal Method
End Credits: "The Entire Universe" by The Servant
* - Quite freaky/funny for some parts!!! | | |
| Holy crap I haven't written in here in a long time.
Dunno why I keep up with these things. Never have very much interesting to say.
Have a headache =\
I think it's cause I was trying to stumble my way through 3DSMax from 9 in the morning until 2 in the afternoon. Made a 'kunai', sorta did it by accident really and then just kept playing around until I got this. Still have a lot I want to do to it so...stay tuned.
Got a new laptop...finally. I call her 'Dori'.  /shrug
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| I keep having this dream...
I'm standing on a beach.
Just a beach...no signs...no boats...no people...
...just me and the waves...
and the sound of them crashing...crashing...crashing in...
Each roll of the tide sprays a salty mist across my face
it's cold...but I don't move
Maybe if I stand there long enough, the waves can wash me away too...
I have a thought that I should leave, that there is something I should be doing
other than standing on the beach by myself...
that there is somewhere I should be but...I can't bring myself to move...
I'm waiting...
I'm standing on a beach waiting for something
and if I leave...I just might miss what it is I'm waiting for...
So I stay...
I stay and stare out at the waves crashingcrashcrashing in...
and the sound of them fills my ears...
the wind and waves...
until the sound drowns out my own heartbeat...
until I cease to exist and there is only the sound of the waves...
and then I wake up... | | |
| It's been a few years...
we've both had a few modifications,
suffered some losses
had a few secret meetings
but Xanga and I seem to have finally found one another again...
....weeeee
/sarcasm
I woke up this morning with that innate sense of dread that made me want to instantly crawl back under the covers to remain until it was dark again.
My mother, unfortunately, had other plans.
So, after I took my merry time getting ready, we head out and, of course, I was volunteered to drive and I remember thinking, WTF? I didn't sign up for this trip to begin with, this wasn't my idea and yet...now that I've done my hair and actually put on a freakin' bra, you're making me DRIVE?! Insult to injury if you ask me ...but I digress...
So, drove the 35 minutes into town (Williamsburg), ate some lunch, got dragged into some stores and forced to try on many clothes that I neither wanted nor could afford but...I was feeling miraculously benevolent so, I kept my mouth shut.
After 4 hours...I started to chafe under the forced shopping spree in which nothing was actually bought...
Once we got back, I vegged out watching tv for a bit before my grandmother decided to show up. And, Oh joy of joys, she had just come from my aunt's house. It's amazing to think that my grandmother things my aunt has it all together. Aunt - mean, pushy religious fanatic, bossy, know-it-all, rude, interrupting, FREAK lady who is going through a divorce, chain smokes, and gets plastered at Fridays after work before driving home!!! Oh yes Grammi, Auntie has it ALL together because she has a degree. Apparently, my grandmother and aunt base people's worth by this...the fact that they are "intelligent" can only be proven by getting a degree in Whatever from the Institute of I Don't Give a Shit! So...naturally...when Gram walked in the door, I made myself scarce.
While I was in voluntary exile, my friend Em called asking if she could crash at my place. That was at 8, she got here around midnight. Ever since then, I've been trying to think of something to say, something nice, something helpful but, all I could do was babble on about my kooky love life (and no, before anyone asks, I don't feel like explaining what I mean by "kooky", those involved should already KNOW and, those that aren't will just have to suffer with not knowing and being left out) She's asleep on my sofa and I'm holed up in my room. =\
I hate living with my parent's again...and yet I don't.
I was miserable back at the apartment.
I was lonely and I felt like the person I was in a relationship with didn't see me anymore...that I could have been anyone. Well...I didn't just want to be "someone"...I wanted to be me and I wanted that person, the person I loved to love ME as ME...not just as someone who could have been anyone.
My car broke down a week ago and I still haven't heard back from Dodge about it...is that bad???
I miss my friends at BG...I almost wish I hadn't put in my two weeks but then, I see gas prices and feel relieved.
I hate the US for being so damn big...
...but I'm smiling again...  | | |
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